i hope that you see right through my walls

So many good things and so many crazy things are going on in my life right now.  I need to find a better way of dealing with things than ignoring them or shoving them down b/c they are too intense to deal with and then, weeks later, sobbing on my couch for no reason.  I feel like I can't get a grasp on time or hold on to people and I'm trying to...just keeps slipping through my fingers.  So many good things are coming up but they are changing my life and everything that I've known until this point, or so it feels like.  I can't mentally check in to my life or how I'm feeling because it is too much.  Too much good, too much crazy that I can't wrap my head around.  I feel frantic lately like I can't say enough to tell people how much they mean to me.  I'm scared they will never know.  I think that is what I'm most afraid of, that people will never know how much I love them, how much they've done for me and my life and how much they mean to me.  I wish there were enough words but there aren't.  I don't think there ever could be.  And now I'm sitting on my couch crying again.  I guess it is a good problem to have.  

overwhelmed

My co-workers threw me a shower at work today and Morrison was able to come.  It was so nice and I was so overwhelmed.  I don't know what it is about me but I can always handle people being mean to me.  However, if you're nice and compliment me I can't handle it.  I got a little choked up today about the sheer fact that I am lucky enough to have that many people that care about me.  Today was a whole day of feeling so incredibly grateful and overwhelmed.

It still makes me sad that loss of a life is considered victory.  Whether it be Osama bin Laden, 9/11 or the countless wars currently going on, that have taken place in the past or will take place in the future, to me, loss of a life should never be something to be hailed as a victory.  When we find a better way is when there will be peace.

so wonderful.

I had the greatest weekend.  I wish that I could have captured a moment and held onto it forever.  I feel so incredibly lucky to have heard such spectacular music with the greatest best friend I could ask for and enjoyed the new change in weather.  :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ohh Reenz, Happy Birthday my love! :)  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways...
1. Your unending optimism!  Anyone who knows you is infected by it!
2.  The fact that I can have the crappiest day ever and spend 5 minutes with you and feel 8 million times better
3. No pants dance parties
4.  Tipsy haunted excursions into our attic...kinda
5.  Your sexylegz
6. The fact that I can say anything and you still won't think I'm weird
7.  Swing dancing...or whatever the kind of dancing we do is called
8.  You don't care if I have zombie hands, you still love me
9.  You give the best hugs ever ever evuh evar
10.  You are part of my family :)
11.  You get me and know my history and you don't find that very often
12.  Our adventures!
13.  Taking shots of wine during a 2 hour German wine parade
14.  What's Up and the many times we've performed it
15.  THEME PARTIES!
16.  Our random "MY LIFE IS SMOTHERING ME" ice cream, Kellogg, Climax trip
17.  Opening with you at Potbelly was the only time I ever liked opening, haha!
18.  You were one of the best roommates I've ever had
19.  We are both "crazy" ladies...you with your plants and me with my cat
20.  You are my soul sister and I have no doubt that we will be friends forevah
21.  There are about 100 million songs that remind me of you and one of the crazy memories we have
22.  When I see you I get really excited and do a little jig
23.  You mope with me and sit on the couch and watch Gone with the Wind when we're sad
24.  We've had lots of fun summers together...summer in Ypsi, summer in Chicago, you name it
25.  We will be old lady friends (and you will probably be the nice one!)
26.  I'm glad you're alive because you've made my life better by being my best friend :)

There ya have it...one reason for every year!  Love you Reenz and PARTY hardy! :)

Blathering

Hi, Renee and Chelsea!  Hurley says hi and so does Roxy (they're actually both snoring right now but I know they would say hi in spirit!).  I'm excited for Renee's birthday this week as I believe that birthdays are some of the good stuff that life is made of and should be CELEBRATED to the max.  I just came here to type down all of the things that are swirling around in my head, so bear with me.
I am trying to eat healthier but now that I am actually making some friends, I am getting invited out to eat, over to their houses to eat, out for coffee...blah blah blah.  And while it is fun, my wallet and my waistline do not appreciate it.  So, I'm about to head to the grocery store in an attempt to actually start eating healthy and exercising.  Good luck to me because I know myself waaaay better than that.

Also, I am feeling old lately.  My stupid touch screen phone is farting up (I censored myself for you, Reenz :) ) and I find myself pining for my old flip phone that called and texted people and THAT was about it!  I also converted to gmail and can't figure the dang thing out and am very resistant to checking myself in on the internet for flights.  I want to hold the ticket in my hand, damn it!  I also find myself less and less able to handle mean, angry people (and my alcohol).  When I was younger I would always be like, "I'll take care of it, I'mma frick him up!" and now I can't help but wonder why we all can't get along.  I am thinking about ridding myself of facebook (it'll never happen, who are we kidding?) and returning to the stone ages when you had to blow into video game cartridges and had 3 channels and no one owned a computer and life was good.  I'm tired of people that look for reasons to be angry...just get over it.  Can't we all live in peace, love and harmony?  PLEASE!? Just try, for me.  Okay.  

I have lots of things on my to-do list today and it is bogging me down.  I need to narrow it down to three things and then maybe I'd be able to get off my rear and do something.  I feel like I'm whining.  I didn't want this to be a whiny post but lookee where we ended up!  I love you both and will catch you soon :)

!!!#$@!!@#%

Um, hi.  Can I rant on this thing?  Yes?  Renee is the only one reading this?  Ok, Renee.  Then I'mma let you have it.  So I was watching House tonight and, since I have ADD, was doing a whole bunch of other things and ended up leaving the TV on loooong after the show was over because a quiet house freaks me out and I am also forgetful.  Here is the point where I explain that House is on FOX, soooo...there's that.  Anyways, I walked into the room just as a reporter with his head up his ass was explaining that the tsunami in Japan was going to affect the import of car parts for Lexus and Toyota so Americans who own these cars or would like to buy one of these cars may have to wait longer or pay more.  They also launched into the state of the nuclear power plants in Illinois and spent about 30 minutes explaining how the tsunami in JAPAN was going to affect the US.  They went on and on about California and Hawaii and the west coast and how our imports from Japan were going to be depleted and how California may experience 2-3 foot waves and more rain than is seasonally normal...and this was the point where I either turned off the TV or hurled something heavy and destructive at it.  So I turned it off as I did not want my fiance to divorce me for destroying a perfectly good TV (don't shoot the messenger, I guess).  You know what made me so mad?  I didn't hear anything about relief efforts and what we can do to help the families of the TWO THOUSAND bodies that washed up on shore yesterday.  How about the tens of thousands that are without shelter, food, water, electricity or communication, sitting in the freezing cold, thirsty and starving not knowing if their family is alive or dead?  This makes me sick... no wonder the abbreviation for the United States is US because sometimes that's all we think about...us.  However, it was Fox news so, consider the source.  I value the efforts of the American government to provide aid, however, the general narcissism of the American culture is, at times, overwhelming to me.  It makes me angry.  It makes me want to cry.  It makes me feel like a hypocrite for saying these things because I am going to work tomorrow to pay MY bills instead of doing something.  But most of all, it makes me sad and ashamed.  So, on that note, I am going to figure out what I can do to help. Thank you for listening and good night.