i hope that you see right through my walls

So many good things and so many crazy things are going on in my life right now.  I need to find a better way of dealing with things than ignoring them or shoving them down b/c they are too intense to deal with and then, weeks later, sobbing on my couch for no reason.  I feel like I can't get a grasp on time or hold on to people and I'm trying to...just keeps slipping through my fingers.  So many good things are coming up but they are changing my life and everything that I've known until this point, or so it feels like.  I can't mentally check in to my life or how I'm feeling because it is too much.  Too much good, too much crazy that I can't wrap my head around.  I feel frantic lately like I can't say enough to tell people how much they mean to me.  I'm scared they will never know.  I think that is what I'm most afraid of, that people will never know how much I love them, how much they've done for me and my life and how much they mean to me.  I wish there were enough words but there aren't.  I don't think there ever could be.  And now I'm sitting on my couch crying again.  I guess it is a good problem to have.  

overwhelmed

My co-workers threw me a shower at work today and Morrison was able to come.  It was so nice and I was so overwhelmed.  I don't know what it is about me but I can always handle people being mean to me.  However, if you're nice and compliment me I can't handle it.  I got a little choked up today about the sheer fact that I am lucky enough to have that many people that care about me.  Today was a whole day of feeling so incredibly grateful and overwhelmed.

It still makes me sad that loss of a life is considered victory.  Whether it be Osama bin Laden, 9/11 or the countless wars currently going on, that have taken place in the past or will take place in the future, to me, loss of a life should never be something to be hailed as a victory.  When we find a better way is when there will be peace.